I was invited to the coming-of-age ceremony of a thirteen
year old girl in the neighbourhood. These ceremonies have made me queasy while
growing up. But as it is mostly obligatory in the village to show up at such
social occasions, I decided to go. I didn’t know what exactly this occasion would
entail since each community and caste has different customs.
This was an old ancestral house. The old-style houses are wall-to-wall,
narrow and long with pitched and tiled roofs. The weavers’ lifestyle and
machines have determined the layout of these houses. Each house has a sheltered
sitting area facing the street. Behind the sitting area are rooms on either
side of a corridor that opens into a courtyard. Beyond the courtyard are the
kitchen and a large space for the looms.
When I entered the house I noticed that this was a married-women-only
party. After a short while, at the auspicious hour, the girl was asked to sit
in the centre of the courtyard. There was a worried, nervous look on her face.
Just as she was about to sit down a few women asked her to get rid of her
clothes. The girl clearly didn’t like this and tried hard to negotiate her way
out. She finally gave up and sat down unhappily in her underwear. She had
thick, long hair that she used to cover her front.
A barrel containing warm water infused with jasmine flowers
and turmeric was kept ready. The grandma of the girl dipped a mug into the
barrel and poured it on her head and inaugurated the ceremony. Opinion was
divided among the women if girls these days were as obedient as they once were.
Some women obviously didn’t like the fact that she wasn’t in the nude. Slowly
the rest of women started lining up to pour more water on her.
Suddenly a young lady, authoritative and aggressive, started
undressing the girl further. She protested, crying and begging but to no avail.
Her protestations were regarded mostly with much hilarity and the undressing
took place without further ado. Now desperately trying to hide her modesty, the
girl changed her position to a squat. As if to intensify the effect, another
woman jumped into the scene and tied up the girl’s hair, exposing her further.
The ritual bathing continued and they applied turmeric powder on her. By this
time I had had enough and decided to step away into the kitchen to help out
with serving food to the guests.
I asked a lady why the girl had to be naked. She said that
that was how they had always done it. A few minutes later when I took a peek
into the courtyard, the girl was all clad in a beautiful pink silk saree. Her
relatives were helping her with gold jewellery. I served tea and snacks and
left as soon as I could with a heavy heart.
-- Hema
Interesting to note about this Hema. I have never attended any such functions and I never know what goes on! I wonder why they strip the poor girl off!
ReplyDeleteA very painful experience.
ReplyDeleteIf only the girl's mother and every other women present there had taken the time to remember the humiliation they experienced when they were undressed for such rituals, they wouldn't want to do it to others... Hope the young girl remembers this day when its time for her to organise a similar ceremony for her daughters... That's when a real change will happen.
ReplyDeleteMy homeschooling mentor back in US, an American woman of the Unitarian Universalist church celebrated the coming of age of her daughter very meaningfully and beautifully. The ceremony was conceived by the mom-daughter to celebrate the new phase of life that the daughter has entered. The girl invited 7 women whose qualities she liked and would like to emulate. She read out a few lines addressing each of them on the day. They were asked to bring a small sapling to gift her. They both planted it in her yard. She planted 7 such saplings which will grow with her. Then everyone had tea and snacks. It was beautiful. I have in my mind to blend some Indian customs (not embarrassing for sure, I had a celebration with extended family but I was by no means embarrassed it was another family get together and I was the center point) with some new meaningful celebration like my mentor's daughter for my daughter.
ReplyDeleteIt just came to mind that the same girl who was embarrassed today would participate in such a ceremony a few years later and even subject her daughter to similar celebrations.. the women who were present there were also embarrassed one day in the past, right?
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be a sublime way for the older women to show off, and dominate the young girl. You can see similar practices during pregnancy, after delivery, etc. I think older women subconsciously add new embarrassing practises as a means to dominate over the victim.
ReplyDeleteIts like ragging. Its like hazing that happens to recruits in the armed forces. Its ostensible purpose is to break ur individual identity and after the rite of passage u become a member of the group and continue the 'tradition.' I wonder how many people look back on such events that happened to them and feel that its ok and should be continued in the name of tradition. Clearly the armed forces folks feel its ok or even that its essential - but they are required to function as a coherent team where all differences are gone, individualities erased while living in a society has no such requirement. Ragging, I guess it depends on how bad/physical it got. Many people feel that as long as there is nothing physical, it helps to get to know each other more closely (I don't know why that can't be done on an equal footing - without the power trip).
ReplyDelete