Bibliophobia

Bala was curious to know what we were doing on our land and how we were going about it. He came over unannounced and started chit chatting in the typical local fashion. He had a degree in Science. I thought Bill Mollison’s “Permaculture Design Manual” would help in the conversation and might appeal to him. I brought out the book and handed it to him.

I love this book, not just for its content, but also for the presentation -- hand-drawn pictures and designs. I thought Bala might like it too. But he fell silent after he got the book in his hands. He looked at how thick and fat this book was and how many pages there were. After the initial apprehensions he started reading the first page in a serious, non-flippant manner. I could see that the book was weighing him down. He couldn’t get past the first page. After a few minutes he gently closed the book. He said that he had to try reading it another time when he had the whole day reserved for reading! "Is there such a day?" I wondered.

Basically it was a big flop show. I have seen this repeat many times -- different people and different books, of course. People got bogged down by the mere thought of having to read a book. As I was pondering over this recent incident, it stirred up some really old memories where I have had the same exact feeling.

Till high school I was a top ranking student. In the Indian context, this meant that I could faithfully reproduce what was in our course books on to the exam papers. Our education involved very little creativity or fun or real learning. I had a photographic memory, which was just the thing needed in this context.

For the first time in my life, when I went to college I got introduced to a fiction. As a part of the English course, we had to read a book by Jeffrey Archer. I dreaded this book for the sheer number of pages it had! I was 17 then and I had never read anything for the pleasure of reading. All I had read was school textbooks. I remember the drudgery involved in the reading of this fiction. It took me six long months to get to the last page and understand the story just enough to take the English exam.

This aversion to books was in spite of the fact that I was a good student. Or, should I say that it was because I was a good student?? Students who didn’t fare well obviously hated books. Some burned their textbooks after the final exams. Some ripped their old books. It was as if they wanted to get rid of these seemingly innocuous things that were controlling their lives. Even while engaging in such “nefarious” acts they were worried -- “what if we failed in these exams? what if we have to repeat these exams? what if the Gods punish us for being disrespectful towards books?” After all, books are considered sacred in India.

Strangely enough those books that ought to be the source of knowledge became the very source of bad associations with learning.

 -- Hema

Taking Delight Vs Cute-ifying

According to Webster, "taking delight" means "to enjoy very much". Here I would like to introduce a new term that I have coined -- "cute-ify" to mean "to turn something that exists without any intent into a cute thing and get entertained by it". In the context of parenting, many a time I have noticed "taking delight" slipping into "cute-ification". I would like to compare and contrast the two processes here in this article.

When "taking delight" in what a child is doing:

- the adult is either a non-judgmental observer or a participant in the process

- the child is allowed to just "be" and not made self-conscious

When "cute-ification" occurs:

- the adult is being judgmental

- it is quite likely that the child (if old enough) gets self-conscious

To illustrate these two responses I would like to present some examples:

Five year old Ruby shows me the rangoli that she had made. Her caregiver immediately says “Did you see that? How cute! She loves making rangoli. She is very talented.” Overwhelmed with anxiety, the caregiver took over the space and I was not allowed to respond. I could see in the face of the child, subtle ways in which she was becoming self-conscious.

*

10 month old Satva just learned to stand up on his own. The other day he crawled to the nearby window, held on to the wall, stood up and lifted the curtain up. This let in light and he was delighted by the experience. Fascinated by this experience, he repeated it over and over again. The mom was observing this and taking delight in the process in which her baby was excited about. She just let him be.

*

Four year old Anu invented a repetitive game in which she and her friend would pass a coin and call out each other’s name while doing so. A simple game that could go on forever! There was absolute delight on Anu’s face, until an overseeing adult said, “Look! How cute! How well she is playing!” The delight on Anu’s face was gone. She got self-conscious. She twitched her mouth and started baby-talk.

*

Two year old Ishan liked doing everything on his own and refused to take help. He was potty trained. Once when he said that he needed to go to the toilet, the mom rushed to the toilet with him, opened the toilet door, turned on the light and helped him get setup for the job. Ishan tightened up, pulled up his pants, turned off the light, got out of the toilet and closed the door behind him. He said “BABY!” and redid the whole process, this time on his own, without any help -- opened the toilet door, turned on the light and went on to pee. The mom was overjoyed by what her child had demonstrated. She understood the cues and followed them right on from the next time onwards. She didn’t trivialize the child’s attempt to assert himself, nor was she condescending.

*

I find babies, toddlers and young children serious about what they are doing. They are trying to figure things out, making sense of the world and people around them. There is absolute, sheer, unsurmounted joy in being there with a young child as he is figuring things out. I have repeatedly observed that the experience gets diminished when the child’s behaviour is “cute-ified”. I have also noticed that if there’s unrest within ourselves, if there’s anxiety, we tend to “cute-ify” and move on rather than participate in a wholesome manner.

Now, what does becoming self-conscious do? When we become self-conscious, we are aware of the response that our behaviour will elicit from others. We understand that we can modify/manipulate our behaviour to elicit the response that we are looking for. Thus our authenticity can get compromised. This is a common game that people play. Little children don’t by default play this adult game. But they can learn to play this game after they have been “cute-ified” enough.

-- Hema

Savour

 If you have access to some 10 or 20 or 30 years old group photos (school, college, wedding, party), please take a look at them; compare and contrast them to some recent ones. If you don't have access to such photos, try to think of a group of people that you know -- friends, co-workers and extended family members. Age group doesn’t matter. I request you to pause here to find some pictures before reading further. It is a crucial step in this exercise.

Now, it is very likely that you would agree that over-weight/obesity is on the rise. We don’t need to know the exact numbers to acknowledge that. But, if you are a person interested in numbers, all you need to do is to go to any public space or a social event and check it out for yourself. I did exactly that. I stood at some busy cross-roads in Chennai, clocked myself and observed the people on bicycles and motorbikes. I counted the number of people who were NOT visibly overweight (Group-A). My friend counted the number of people who were visibly overweight(Group-B). 

If the number of people in Group-A was 'n',

the number of people in Group-B was at least four times 'n'(4n).

Some caveats here:

- Obviously, we are likely to have missed some people due to the nature of the traffic at that time. Thus, #(Group-A) + #(Group-B) was not equal to the total number of people on bicycles and motorbikes. So, we can’t do a percentage calculation here. 

- We couldn’t count people in cars and three-wheel autos.

- Data collected from pockets of Chennai doesn’t *accurately* represent all of Chennai, or other other cities or rural areas.

Having said that, this data still shows us the *trends*. I am deeply pained by this trend. Being over-weight or obese significantly puts one at risk for various diseases. I have been observing various contributing factors at play here, for more than 20 years. This post is an earnest attempt to present my observations and understanding that ensued from those.

                    *

I have chosen to omit exceptions for brevity and have focused on the patterns that are quite common.

A baby is born. The new parents are excited and figuring out ways to feed the baby (breastfeed, bottle-feed). As they are going through this challenging phase they get advice from doctors, books, family and friends. Most of them develop this understanding that the baby would cry when he is hungry. They also get to know that once the baby is nursed, he stopped crying. They begin to understand other hunger cues. Now, as the baby grows into a toddler the parental anxiety around food grows too. The caregiver distracts this mobile little person in a million ways just so food can be shoved into his mouth. 

Sure enough, the distractions work, at least in the short-term. Once a set of options expire, the caregivers quickly come up with new ones. The technology used can be different (from pointing at the moon or a nearby animal to using a mobile phone), but the theme is the same -- distraction.

What do distractions do? My thoughts are:

1. They *disconnect* the baby from her *self*.

The beautiful process of feeling hungry and smelling, touching the food and taking that one’s own mouth:

- activates the digestive system

- helps the baby understand the connection between her hunger, hands, mouth and the good feeling that results when the food reaches her tummy. 

- develops a good tactile sense.

- empowers the baby (although the baby wouldn’t know that)

- integrates the baby into the meal routines and rituals.

2. Distractions are basically manipulations to get what we want to happen. Once the baby starts seeing through this (which is likely to happen eventually), they start losing trust on the care giver. 

3. Food is for survival. All living beings are interested in surviving. Children simply can’t starve themselves to death. That goes against Evolution. Left alone to their devices little children, who have a healthy relationship with food, will seek food only when they are hungry. In my limited experience I have seen that, if this healthy relationship is allowed to exist, the chances of developing eating disorders (anxiety around food, over-eating, binge eating, anorexia) -- is quite small. Distractions don't let a healthy relationship develop between the baby and her food.

The baby is now a toddler and he is sent to a day-care, pre-school or kindergarten. There is a routine enforced by the place that he is going to. He is asked to eat when it is time to eat, whether or not he is hungry. The disconnect between his self and what he does starts here (if not earlier). He is also asked by adults and care-givers to “finish” what is on his plate, even if his body is not for it.

Occasionally the toddler falls sick and rejects food. This is body's natural response to sickness. In simple terms, the body tries to heal itself when we get sick; digestion is too cumbersome during sickness. But the adults around her are worried and anxious for her. They insist that she should eat or drink. The toddler eventually yields to parental pressure, thus widening the disconnect.

To understand this disconnect deeply and assist with healing, we need to start looking at our own relationship with food. 

-- Hema

Walking, Talking And Learning

One fine day, a crawling baby decides to try to stand up. He holds on to something nearby (furniture, railing or an adult) and tries to get up. Not an easy task. Soon he is on the floor again since he let go of the support and his legs are not used to carrying his weight in that fashion. In a little while he tries again. Several attempts and a few days later his falls are not awkward. Soon he develops the stamina needed to stand a bit longer. Now he lets go of his hand and tries to take a step. He falls. He gets up and repeats what he has mastered so far and tries to take it a bit farther. He falls again. These failures don’t deter him. There is no fear. Babies put in a lot of their energy into this process of learning  to walk. This process demands changes at various levels -- physical strength, motor control, cognitive abilities.

This immensely hard learning process is something that all healthy babies go through and they emerge out of it as walking toddlers. Yet, we didn’t teach them how to go about it.

Now onto talking. Toddlers learn to talk the language(s) spoken at home. They don’t learn abc’s. They start off with sounds like “ma”, “da”, “pa”. They put sounds together and experiment with various combinations. They try to repeat the words they hear. They don’t ever get tired of repetition. They absolutely love repetition. They constantly play with the sounds and words they know. There is no fear. They put words together to make sentences that are not grammatically correct. Nevertheless they convey what is needed to be conveyed. 

In our family, I spoke in Tamil to our babies and Dev spoke in Hindi. When our toddlers started talking, they used Tamil words while talking to me and Hindi words while talking to Dev. I know many children who have been bi or tri-lingual since their toddler years. Toddlers go from not being understood (by strangers) to speaking grammatically correct sentences in multiple languages in a year or so. Thankfully there are no formal practices to teach a toddler his/her mother tongue.

Learning to walk and talk demonstrate humans’ ability to learn complex skills on our own. Both these skills are learned out of necessity -- since the people around them walk and talk, these little toddlers also naturally want to be like others. They emulate the behavior they see around them. They internalize their learnings. They learn all their wakeful hours. They are self-confident, in a humble way without knowing that they are so. They never doubt their ability to learn to walk or talk. They don't give up. The toddlers learn both these skills at their own pace. They take the first step only when they feel they are ready to.

Now we take these highly skilled, self-confident learners and subject them to meaningless, mundane, out-of-context, irrelevant learnings drafted by seemingly-caring adults. We start with abc’s. This makes very little sense to English speaking kids since they can already speak fluently and they don’t see a need to learn the alphabet. To non-english speaking kids, this is utter nonsense, but they are forced to learn these foreign abc’s. If they didn't get shaken by the abc's , there is always the 123's. I have heard many young children say that they are not good at English or Math or Science. And yet, these children were once the confident toddlers who mastered walking and talking, all by themselves!

Can we trust little children's learning process?

-- Hema

A Decade Into Homeschooling

I wrote this piece recently for the Teachers Plus magazine.: 

"Our home is the best place on earth. I LOVE being at home. Why can't I be at home most of the times and go to school rarely?" This came from my child when he was 7 years old. Although I didn't want to ponder over his question then, it haunted me. A year later I decided to take a deep look at his question and address his unhappiness in going to school. That led to a cascade of events leading to where we are now. We are thankful for the support we received from fellow homeschoolers and the insights from authors like John Holt, Alfie Kohn and Gabor Mate.

Fast forwarding ten years. My husband Dev and I live on our farm near Tiruttani/Chittoor with our kids Abhi(17) and Aparna(14). Aparna never went to school. Abhi has been home since he was eight. The decision to homeschool liberated us. We realized that could live literally anywhere we wanted to. We were not limited by the necessity to continue a way of life, just for the sake of conformance. The decision to homeschool dramatically brought down the everyday stress level at home. As a direct consequence the quality of our life got better. This enabled us to pause and question our priorities in life. This in turn enabled Dev to quit his corporate job; soon after that we moved back  to India (from the US).  

For the past seven years we have been living in rural South India. Looking back, the challenges presented by this period have inevitably resulted in learning new skills. It is important to mention here that we didn't embark on this path with this agenda in mind. Here I would like to present a few snap-shots from our homeschooling experiences.

Since we have snakes in our area, it was highly imperative to be able to identify them correctly and swiftly. This need fueled by their interest, the kids got adept at identifying, catching and rescuing (non-venomous) snakes. During this feverish phase they made toys, tools and games that would help them with snake identification and snake catching. Life was all about and only about snakes. We even cared for a Checkered Keelback at home for three weeks to observe it in close quarters. In our neighbourhood they are now known as the local snake catchers. 

Similarly, the lack of restaurants and a strong desire to enjoy baked goods got Aparna interested in baking. She now bakes wholesome bread, cake and pizza. She experiments with local/seasonal fruit and vegetable in her recipes. 

Two years ago Abhi wanted to eat the fruit of our palm trees. But people that climb palm trees are not easy to find anymore, even in villages. Thus his desire drove him to learn to climb palm and coconut trees. This process lasted for about two years - to acquire enough physical strength and skills, to get over his fear of heights, to collect and use the tools needed for the harvest. This summer both Abhi and Aparna were able to climb and harvest palm fruit and tender coconuts. Abhi wanted to document this process and that became a valuable film-making experience that involved script writing, editing and post-production software work. His work is available on his youtube channel "dancing dodonaea studios".

For several months, after moving in to our new house at the farm, we were looking for a carpenter to build a chest of drawers for our farm tools. We could find absolutely no one to work on such an unconventional project. As Dev started designing the storage space, Aparna got interested in building it. She already had basic wood working skills since she had built some furniture. These skills were developed and honed for many years -- starting from working on cardboard projects (miniature models), moving on to simple utility (wood) projects with no joinery and then taking up joinery work. She is currently into relief carving (carving done on a flat panel of wood). All these were born out of interest and/or necessity. 

We have always been a multi-lingual family - my native tongue is Tamil, Dev's is Hindi. We live in a place where Telugu is spoken by half the population. Although they speak all these languages, the kids never focused on the writing aspect of Indian languages. Out of the blue Abhi recently realized the need to be fluent in the Tamil script. As he was watching a Permaculture documentary in English, he had an urge to make it available for the non-English speaking, local Tamil farmers. So he started writing the subtitles for that documentary in Tamil, of course with Google translator on his side. In just a few weeks he became a Tamil literate! 

Dev and I consider the education of our children as a piece in the jig-saw puzzle of our life - no more or less important than the other pieces. After moving to India, we bought a piece of land and got into farming without any prior experience. It has taken us all these 7+ to learn about the local ecology, soil and organic methods to a reasonable extent to be able to grow some food. Similarly every aspect (off-grid, composting toilet, adobe bricks, traditional tiled roof, natural finishes) of our house construction took us long to research, learn and execute. As a consequence of this, we as a family now have many construction related skills - masonry (brick and stone), carpentry, plumbing, laying tiled floor and grouting, mud plastering and finishing. It is important to emphasize here that all these started from humble beginnings. 

One common thread that I have observed in all these learning journeys is the sustained interest that is needed to learn any skill deeply. Sustained interest can come ONLY from within. It can't be force-fed. Sustained interest, I have seen, comes out of a burning desire or an absolute need of the hour or the pleasure we derive by doing something (like music). Sustaining an interest is possible only if we enjoy the process, not if we wait impatiently for the end-product. Working with hands and working on our own helps us understand this. 

During all these years of being with children, I have observed that they go through periods of no activity -- when they are not visibly engaged in anything. These periods of non-activity, I think, are as crucial as their growth spurts. During these periods they question life around them, assimilate something they came across recently, heal themselves, dive deep into themselves etc. I have learned to cherish these periods and not disturb them while they are there.

To us homeschooling has been about:

-- mindful parenting, to the extent possible

-- growing organic food and working together as a family

-- being close to nature, getting in tune with its cycles and taking care of other life forms (plants, trees, animals)

-- allowing everyone to take up things that interests them deeply and nurturing the development of those skills

-- maintaining an environment where mistakes are considered a part of the process

-- building resilience that the kids need to survive during difficult times in this era of climate change

-- having enough time to ponder over questions that come up and to develop an understanding about one's own self

-- trusting our ability to solve problems (technical, medical, emotional) and not resort to professional help right away

-- personal care -- cooking, washing clothes, cleaning, making clothes, hair cutting 

-- management and self-regulation of one's time

In our lives, saying "no" to mainstream has ended up as saying "yes" to various other possibilities, which have made life more fun. There certainly have been difficult and challenging times since we changed the course of our lives. But then, there were similar phases earlier too! In a certain sense, we have chosen the current set of challenges and that wasn't the case before.

-- Hema

Learning By Doing (Part III): Climbing Palm, Coconut Trees

 A short film by Abhinav Jain:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxG4w_EW2ZI 

Other posts in this series are:

Macrame With Cosmica

Dori's Cakes 

Where's the Next Generation?

In my seven years of being in rural India, repeatedly I have seen that people that truly know and practice their ancestral/traditional profession are rapidly going down in number. Also there is no one in such families who'd inherit the acquired knowledge and technical know-how associated with such professions.  It seems as if there has been a collective decision to drop the baton that has been passed on from one generation to another for ages. Deeply disturbed by this I wanted to at lease collect such families' profiles and show case them here.

1. Mani was around 50 when he died recently. He was an amazingly dedicated worker. He specialized in palm timber. He used to identify mature palm trees, fell them with a group of people, make rafters out of the felled palm trunks. He worked for about twelve hours every single day, by the road side as we approached our town.
Palm wood is naturally termite resistant, heavy duty and durable. Its notorious splinters and the nature of the processing render machines useless. The processing involves:
splitting the trunk into six or eight lengthwise segments,
removing the bark from each segment,
removing the soft, light-colored fibers on the inside of each segment

Each step in this labor-intensive process calls for special tools and skills. Mani used to work seemingly effortlessly at this daunting task. The rafters for our house were made by him. His children are not in any way connected to this line of profession.

Mani working on a palm log

2. Seventy year old Subramani Anna is a farmer, cob builder and thatcher. He has five children; none of them learned any of these skills. He is one of the very few people who know cob-building and thatching in our local areas. Even at this age. his enthusiasm for work is infectious.

Subramani Anna thatching

3. Blacksmiths

Raja, one of the two last blacksmiths in our area (10 km radius). He established his business when he was hardly twenty and struggled quite a bit initially to get it going. He is now in his early 50's. He said that he makes Rs. 3000 on many days. Apparently there is very good money in smithy. But yet his son won't take it up, because he is an Engineering graduate. Unemployed though. The blacksmith dad is supporting his son and his family for several years now.

The other blacksmith here is Visu. He is a great craftsman, providing employment to five local men and has the luxury of working from home. In his earlier years he worked super hard to get his children educated so that they could leave this town and get better jobs elsewhere. He was against having his children learn smithy since he wanted them to have an "easier" life. His sons are now teachers in the city. and he is proud of them for their "achievement".

4. Our farm worker is in his late forties. From his early childhood he has been working on the local farms. He understands local crops very well -- crop seasons, harvesting crops, processing methods, age-old practices etc. He has two boys in their late teens; both the boys go to school and are not even remotely connected to any of these.

5. Shepherd Bhima's specialty is in knowing the medicinal uses of local plants. He prepares herbal antidotes to snake and scorpion bites and administers them as well. He hasn't passed on this knowledge to any of his three children.

6. Our potter, the only one actively practicing his profession locally, is about sixty. He makes clay pots, pans, stoves and sculptures for local festivals. In his growing up years he picked up pottery by hanging out with his dad when he was working. He has three sons and a daughter; none of them know pottery. When he passes away, all the knowledge about this ancient craft -- processing soil from the lake, working with local clay, types of clay, firing, laying clay tiles on roofs -- will all be lost.

7. Swami a local farmer tends an absolutely breathtaking piece of ancestral land. He learned about crops, soil, irrigation methods from his dad. Single-handedly he has been maintaining his land all these years. He is now in his sixties and not in the best state of health. His two sons have no clue as to how much their dad's knowledge is valuable. They occasionally work on construction sites, but mostly while away their time.

8. In the nearby town of Sholingur Binu has a herbal shop. The shop is a tiny hole-in-the-wall 20 sq.ft. space in the main market area. Here he has neatly arranged stacks of dried herbs and herbal medicines. He prepares herbal mixes, supplements (chyavanprash). When he passes away, gone will be all those age-old recipes!

9. Athimanjeri has been one of the key centers for hand-loom production. Over the last two decades hand-loom got replaced by power-loom. Currently there are countless traditional weaving families in which weaving will soon become history. The next generation prefers moving to the city than working the looms.

*

One common thread in all these cases is the aspiration for "modern and comfortable lifestyle". More on this in another post.

-- Hema

Learning By Doing (Part II) - Macrame with Cosmica

Macrame is a form of textile produced using knotting techniques.

Cosmica creates beautiful textile artworks using Macrame. I was blown away by the complexity of a wall-hanging she brought to the Homeschoolers' Conference last year. Here is her interview translated from Hindi:

*

Hi Cosmica! Tell us a bit about yourself.

C: I am 13 yrs old. I was born in Jamshedpur. We lived for long in Udaipur and for the last three years we have been back here in Jamshedpur. I live with my brother, parents, extended family of grandparents, aunt and uncle. There was a time when I got curious about school and went there for a month or two. I got to see what schools were about and didn't want to go there again. I am interested in learning at home. I love Macrame and I make things at home.

How did you get interested in Macrame?

C: My (cousin) brothers didn't like the rakhis that people bought from stores. So I wanted to make rakhis at home. I started making simple ones. Then I learned about basic knots by watching some videos on youtube. As I started exploring knots, I realized that there were a lot of possibilities -- wall- hangings, pot hangers, key chains. I wanted to make all these. Initially I knew nothing. As I worked on these I understood how knots work and I used this understanding to make things in my own way.

How many kinds of knots do you typically use in a wall-hanging project?

C: About 15 or 16 kinds of knots. Square knot and half-hitch knot are the two basic ones that are frequently used. I learned some more basic knots from youtube and as I was using them in my project, I came up with some new ones too.

Can you talk about your initial days with Macrame?

C: When I got to know about Macrame I absolutely loved it. I really really wanted to learn this craft. It was fascinating to see simple strings being used in this manner to make beautiful things. This kept me going. In about 3 or 4 months I got in to the flow of using knots to create artworks. As I gained confidence in my skills I started exploring advanced knots and more complex projects.

How long did your biggest Macrame project take?

C: It was a 3' X 4' wall-hanging which took about five days. Initially I had a lot of discussions with my parents about the design, the length of the string, the size of the project.

What do you do when things go wrong in your project?

C: Things do go wrong frequently. When I was new to Macrame, I was almost at the end of my work when I realized the knots didn't come out right and I had to unravel the entire work. It was very frustrating and I abandoned that work for many hours. After the break, when I got back to work with a fresh mind and with dad's help I was able to get over the hump. Also during my initial days I used to miscalculate the length of the string needed for a project. These mistakes have actually helped me learn how to go about executing a project from scratch. I didn't learn arithmetic in the conventional way. I learned arithmetic because I needed to calculate string length based on a  set of parameters. When we run short of string we of course can join two strings and camouflage the knot that is used to join the two strings. It is slightly complicated and it may not be aesthetically appealing.

Do you sell your creations?

C: Yes, I get orders online. I have sold puppets, wall-hangings, dream catchers etc.

How do you price them?

C: I take two things into account -- cost of the rope and the time I spent on making it. I take my parents' help in analyzing this and arriving at a price. For example, I just sold a pair of macrame puppets for Rs. 500. I am focused on my work now and  have not spent much time looking at the market.

Do you see people interested in Macrame in your neighborhood?

C: Yes, I have some neighbours interested in learn Macrame. Recently a neighbour has been coming home to learn from me. She also helps me in my projects.

Did you try looking for a teacher who you could learn from?

C: Not really. Most of the times, I have learned by myself. My dad has been my teacher whenever I needed one.

What does your dad do?

C: He paints, sketches and draws. He is a tattoo artist too. He is good at Origami. I normally seek his help. He helps me in analyzing a project before I embark on it.

What other interests do you have?

C: Before getting in to Macrame, I was interested in Origami. I used to design dresses. I am interested in sketching and painting too. I love to dance. I dance when I need a break. I love making gifts. I like to cook and help out my mom in the kitchen. I facilitate Gamethons in our neighbourhood.

Did you go to art/craft classes to learn these?

C: No, I never went to classes. My dad helped me make gifts for friends and relatives. I explored my interests by making these gifts.

What is your next project?

I plan to make a hammock. It is a big project with a lot of challenges and I am looking forward to it.

Thank you, Cosmica!

Here is a video of Cosmica working on her project.

-- Hema

Learning By Doing (Part I) - Dori's Cakes

Often I run into people who are curious about kids that don't go to school. They want to know about these children's lives, skill-set, interests, aspirations and future. This made me realize the need for a collection of profiles of some homeschooling children. In this "Learning By Doing" series, I plan to feature such children who are learning and honing their skills and thriving in their lives.

I recently interviewed Dori. She lives in Gurgaon with her twin younger siblings and parents. It is a typical middle class setup with all the constraints and opportunities of urban living. Dori has been a home-baker for a few years now. Here is her interview, translated from Hindi:

How old are you, Dori?

D: I will turn 13 this March.

How long have you been homeschooling?

D: I never went to school, except for six months when I was very small.

I know you like to bake. When and how did you get into baking?

D: I always liked to hang out with my mom while she cooked. When I was around eight, I used to watch cooking shows on TV. There were shows on baking. Since my mom never baked, I didn't have any idea about baking. But I was quite fascinated by it and I wanted an oven. My mom wasn't sure if we would really be using it enough to justify the expense involved. For about a year there were a lot of discussions at home to evaluate all the relevant perspectives. Finally when I was nine, we bought an oven. I watched some videos on youtube that helped me get started.

How was your initial baking experience?
D: I made dry cakes (with no icing) for family and friends for over a year. Then one of our friends suggested that I learn how to decorate cakes. This deeply interested me. She wanted to pay me for a special order of their anniversary cake. I was particular about not joining classes for kids because I didn't find them to be useful earlier. So my mom helped me join the baking classes that were meant for adults.  After sometime I felt the need for a mentor. Through my mom's contacts I got introduced to a home-baker, Arbuda.  I asked my mom if I could learn from her. So I lived at her place for a few days. I saw how she was working on different kinds of orders and how efficiently she was managing everything.  After I came back home I put into practice what I had learned. When I ran into difficulties that baffled me I always called Arbuda aunty and asked for help. And she would help me with tips, fixes and ideas. She is now a professional baker, running a bakery in Noida. 

What else do you bake?

D: I bake breads too. Initially I couldn't find the right kind of yeast. My dough didn't rise at all. Then I stopped baking breads for a few months. Later I went to some bread-baking classes. There I saw what kind of yeast they were using, how they were using it etc. After developing an understanding about this, I started baking again. Slowly I gained confidence in myself. Now I bake pizza bases, pav buns, muffins and cookies.

Typically who do you get orders from?

D: At first it was from my friends. Then it was from my friends' neighbours.

Have you got orders from people who you don't know?

D: Yes, I have baked for people not known to us. During diwali I got orders for 50 boxes of chocolates. These are special chocolates made during the festival using compound chocolate; they are shaped and wrapped to look just like diwali crackers and fireworks. They sold very well. We actually delivered some of those boxes by courier service, to customers who were not known to us.

What kind of specifications do people have when then place a cake order?

D: They tell me what kind of cake they want. Sometimes they specify a theme, for example doll or hawaiian or cosmetics theme. Preparing for their theme takes me about a week. I design the decorations, make cut-outs and practice. Everyday I work a little bit on the theme.

Can you compare the price of your cakes to the ones sold in the market?

D: My basic 1/2kg cake is Rs. 280. Market prices vary from Rs.300 to Rs.350 for a similar one. Theme cakes are expensive. I calculate the customization cost after baking, based on the expenses incurred. 

Did you study the market prices before arriving at yours?

D: Yes, I studied the market prices with my mom. Market study helped me understand the various factors involved in pricing a product -- ingredients, energy, transportation, labour, packaging. My mom explained to me why certain cakes were priced high. I don't like pricing my cakes high, I keep them on the lower side. Once I saw a theme-cake in the market that was just like one of my cakes. Its price was Rs. 1600 whereas ours was for Rs. 1400. If we plan to have a stall at an event, we study the demographics of the place in advance and adjust our prices accordingly. I also learned about the whole sale market and the enormous difference in prices between whole sale and retail markets.

How many cake orders do you receive in a month?

D: Three or four. I can't take more orders.

Have you had any orders for bread yet?

D: No. I am not there yet. Currently I bake breads only for our family.

Do you have a wide range of baking tools and implements?
D: I have many of the basic tools that are needed -- spatula, brush, electric beater, muffin tray, turn table, serrated knives, mold, fondant cutter. We bought them one at a time from my second baking year onward, whenever there was a pressing need. Sometimes I don't have the right tool to work on a certain aspect of a theme. I then prepare a cut-out using a make-shift, improvised tool. We don't always resort to buying because of the expense involved.

I would like to hear your thoughts on the health implications of baked products, a lot of them being sweet. 
D: When I was very young, I used to have a lot of cake at parties. I didn't pay any heed to my mom's advice on health. That changed when I started baking; since I knew exactly what and how much went into making a cake I didn't want to eat it.  Basically there was too much maida, oil and sugar. I realized that that was not healthy for me.  This realization has urged me in to looking at healthier alternatives in baking.

What have you learned about the food industry so far?
- I now know that the cakes in the market contain emulsifiers, preservatives, stabilizers and artificial flavours. But good cakes can be baked without any of these. 
- Traditionally cream meant butter cream. This is expensive. Now low-cost non-dairy whipping cream is widely used in the food industry; this cream has oil or soya bean and has longer shelf-life compared to butter.
- Regarding breads, I came to know that "healthy" breads, like whole wheat bread, contained bread-improver (for longer shelf-life), extra gluten and caramel sauce (for colour). There was nothing really healthy about the "healthy" breads in the market.
- Regarding chocolates, I learned that there are two kinds -- compound and coverture. Compound chocolate contains vegetable oil and cocoa butter; it is easy to use this chocolate in baking recipes in warmer places like India. Also this is cheaper than coverture chocolate. Coverture chocolate contains only cocoa butter and thus it is quite expensive. Typically all the chocolates that we find in India are compound chocolates.

Suppose a new baking experiment failed twice or thrice in a row. What do you do then?

D: Sometimes I just try again. At other times I get disappointed. At times my mom helps me understand what went wrong. Then I make some changes and try the recipe again. Sometimes I abandon that project, take up something entirely different and come back to it after a break.

Can you tell me about some challenges that you faced while baking, in these four years?

D: Whipping cream and fondant behave differently during each season due to temperature and humidity. During the rainy season when Delhi's humidity is very high, working with icing becomes increasingly difficult without running an air conditioner at home. These were practical problems. When I talked to other bakers they said that we needed to have an AC. But we didn't want to get an AC just for this purpose. I have now learned to alternate between refrigerating the icing and working with it in a very swift manner. 

Putting a price tag on my creation is another challenge. I am worried if it is priced right and not too high. I also wonder about the authenticity of the compliments and feedback I receive -- if people  praise my work because I am a kid.
My cakes are egg-less. Given this self-imposed constraint, it took me a long period and countless attempts to achieve the moisture, softness and spongy texture that are characteristic of market cakes.

What are your thoughts about formal studies?

D: I will take my class X exams and not anything before that.

What else do you do?

D: I play football with my friends and I go to football classes. I like quilling. I make birthday cards, ear rings or necklaces using quilling. I like cooking millets, momos and noodles. I have also taught some baking classes in an alternative school. Sometimes I volunteer at a restaurant run by another homeschooling mom, Shruti. She introduced me to food photography, which is my current interest. She has been of tremendous support to me whenever I have wanted to cook something new or different.

What else would you like to take up in the future?

D: I want to make  my own fondants to sculpt my cakes; I use ready-made fondants now. I want to do a lot of other things too. I want to be a teacher. I am very interested in kitchen gardening and composting. There is talk in our apartment complex to implement community composting. I am actively involved in this along with three other kids. We are looking for volunteers and contacts to learn  about low-cost community composting models.

Thank you, Dori!

Some of Dori's creations:

Helplessness -- actively taught and learned

Here in this post I plan to address a key issue with modern day parenting in affluent families, whereby the kids are actively taught to be helpless.

First I will cite some scenarios from our village:

Cheenu, a four year old boy, accompanied his dad who was a labourer working on our house foundation. Any middle or upper class parent would find the construction site to be full of hazards for a child of his age -- foundation trenches, big stone piles, people hand-carrying big stones etc. Obviously, Cheenu's dad didn't think so; neither could he afford to. His family situation was such that Cheenu had to be brought to work if he is off from school. Though it was a hot day (38 deg C),  Cheenu was as cheerful in this site as you would find a small child playing in a park. After sticking with his dad initially, he started mimicking what the other adults were doing -- which was to hand-carry stones. He took his job seriously. He carried stones that were big for him and wouldn't pick up anything that was not challenging. I was feeling sorry for this child and tried offering him smaller stones. He simply ignored me and continued working. I understood much later the condescending nature of my behaviour towards Cheenu and his work. And since Cheenu was not conditioned yet, his response towards me was authentic even if it would be considered rude or impolite.

Shephards' kids (less than ten years of age) carry a sharp billhook, climb a tree, lop branches and haul them home to feed their cattle. This is part of their daily routine. They learn to use this sharp tool, manuver their way up the tree with the tool tucked into their pants on the rear side. Girls learn to cook on wood-burning stoves from the age of eight or so. It is not considered particularly dangerous. It is not uncommon to find little girls cook a meal for the entire family. These kids also go to school. Young kids are indispensable contributors in such families. 

Now, I will compare and contrast the above situations with "normal" middle or upper class families.

Barring a few exceptions, these children are overprotected. They typically don't get involved in household chores and hardly get a chance to use the fire or tools. They are assisted by the adults almost always and they are not expected to take on responsibilities.

Here are some excerpts from some of our interactions with affluent visitors from the city:

- This family came with their eight year old boy. I suggested to my kids to take their new friend to get milk from our milk lady. The walk was hardly hundred meters. They had to cross a not-so-busy village road.  The mom immediately intervened saying, "Oh, my son shouldn't go. He doesn't know how to walk on roads. He will hurt himself in the traffic." Having observed this eight year old for a day, I didn't think that the mom's statement was true.  Nevertheless we dropped the idea.

- This child was seven years old. I had made some boiled eggs for lunch. At the table, he was watching my kids eat their egg and was waiting for one of his parents to show up and peel one for him. When Abhi suggested that he can try to do it himself, he was quite surprised. Apparently this suggestion was never made before at his home! With a bit of help, he happily peeled the egg and ate it.

- This time it was a ten year old girl. Knowing that pomegranate was one of her favourites,  I offered one to her. With a perplexed look she said, "but I have never peeled a pomegranate before. can you please peel it for me?"  We helped her with the process and noticed that she was happy to do things for herself.

Now, my musings about this:
Time and again I have seen that small kids have a strong desire to participate in the adult world by doing what the adults are doing. Although they initially resist the conditioning to give up independence, they eventually do become helpless. Kids that are expected to be helpless are likely to grow up into adults with the same attitude. We once had a twenty-five year old visitor who couldn't wash his plate or glass since he didn't know how to use a scrubber!

In hunter-gatherer societies, kids get involved in real life. They start using knives and other tools from a very young age.  There are many examples of this in the book "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff. Evolutionarily speaking, it must have been very important for little children to learn life skills and become useful and independent. If not, he or she would be a burden on the migrating tribe.

Repeatedly I see evidences to conclude that children meet the expectations, whatever they may be, of the adults around them. Here is another post I wrote earlier on this topic.

-- Hema

"Can you speak Math?'

Isn’t English just another language? Apparently not, in these parts of rural India.

The other day, Aparna and I spotted some country chickens by the roadside and stopped to buy free-range eggs. Sheela, a nine year old girl stepped out as we got in front of her house. I asked her for eggs, in Tamil.  Aparna asked me something in English, to make a point discreetly. I took my cue from her and replied briefly in English. When I turned back to Sheela I found her awe-struck. She was curious to know about the sounds that she just heard. I told her that we spoke in English. The expression on her face changed instantaneously; she was lost in thoughts and was not paying any attention to my translation.   

Suddenly she burst out, “Can you speak Math?” I was caught unaware. I didn’t understand the depth of her question. I simply said “No, I can’t speak Math”. Later that day when I had the time to mull over Sheela’s question I understood what she actually meant:

Here, the school syllabus consists of five courses or subjects viz. Tamil, English, Math, History-Geography and Science. Thus in Sheela’s mind, if I could speak Tamil and English I could possibly speak the next subject, Math, too.

Once I understood the profoundness of her question, I couldn’t just brush it aside as an innocuous one. I was seething with rage for this child. My mind was racing with thoughts such as:

What does this education mean to a child like her? Is it just a bunch of trivia that she has to know to pass some meaningless exams? This education has nothing to do with her real life, but yet she has to endure it for at least fourteen long years. She has to “learn” these subjects that absolutely no one around her seems to be knowing anything about. Above all, she is in the least bit interested in this “education” that has subsumed her childhood.

In this context, I would like to share this documentary on Schooling:

Schooling The World                                                               -

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I went to Kumar’s place in a nearby village to get some saplings. Kumar is in his forties. He owns a few acres of ancestral farm land. He lives with his elderly parents, wife and two children. The people of this village are mostly affluent and influential.

I have run into Kumar several times before and he had always tried hard to talk in English with me. Those were awkward moments for me to see him struggle to communicate in English while both of us could have conveniently and meaningfully conversed in Tamil. Kumar’s native language is Telugu. But he can speak fluent Tamil and switch between the two languages effortlessly.

He and his wife greeted me in when I got to his place. His wife is bilingual too. We were chatting over snacks and a drink of water. In just a few minutes, he asked me about my children’s education. He knew that they didn’t go to school. Before I could begin to reply, he interjected by saying, “your children must be smart and that’s why you are able to do this.”

I have heard this comment from so many people; but still it hurts me every time I hear it. So, I got started on many topics under the umbrella of education. I asked them both questions about their times at school and shared my radical views with them. I talked non-stop, in Tamil, for several minutes. I don’t know how much of what I said made sense to them. But something remarkable happened after I stopped. 

Kumar started to talk and this time he talked in Tamil. “My father is good at English. He worked for the British. But I never learned the language well. I had disappointed him. Now my son goes to an English medium school and my father expects him to learn good English.”

His facade was crumbling and he didn’t seem to care.

-- Hema

Pleasantries To Fake Cordiality

Raj(16) goes to a Government school in our village where the medium of education is Tamil, which is the local language and his mother tongue.  All his school books are in Tamil, except of course the English book. One day he came to me asking for help with an English poem in his school book. It was titled "Once upon a time'.   This poem was written by a Nigerian poet called Gabriel Okara. Here the poet laments about our fast-changing society which is losing its values. He admits conforming to the new fake ways of interacting with others. He pleads with his son to teach him to be authentic and live like a child again.

***

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, son,
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes:
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-block-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.

There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts:
but that’s gone, son.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.

‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:
they say, and when I come
again and feel
at home, once, twice,
there will be no thrice-
for then I find doors shut on me.

So I have learned many things, son.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses – homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface,
cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.

And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,
when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:
to say ‘Glad to meet you’,
without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been
nice talking to you’, after being bored.

But believe me, son.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!

So show me, son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you.

 ***

In Raj's book, at the end of this poem there is a list of questions for the students. One of them is:
"What pleasantries does the poet use to fake cordiality?"

When I read this for the first time, I faltered when I encountered "pleasantries".  Honestly, that was the very first time I had encountered this word. Although I guessed its meaning based on the context, I didn't know what it exactly meant until I looked up online. To any non-English speaking student, who goes to a non-English medium school these English words are as alien as Chinese or Greek. I know that these children here have never come across these words ever before in their lives.

Now, what are the chances of a teacher in a Tamil medium school knowing all the words in this question? Let us assume that the teacher came prepared to school to "teach" this poem, for there is a glossary at the end of the poem. But there is no way of getting the answer right since there is no glossary for the questions themselves! Ultimately this question gets ignored by everyone including the teacher. Such questions are not so innocuous though. I think they have the potential to sow the seeds of inadequacy in the reader.

The poem itself is in simple, non-intimidating language. Ironically the question is not. Even if the reader could understand and appreciate the poem, this question is capable of shaking that understanding. It makes me wonder what the agenda of  this "education" is.

-- Hema

Meeting Expectations

Very often I see parents who talk about their kids, in their presence, quite oblivious of what impact such talk might have on them. I address this aspect of parental behavior here in this post. The idea of this exercise is to look at such talk from the perspective of a child who is listening to her parents' remarks about her. To a lot of parents the contents of this post would be obvious, so this is clearly not directed towards them.

Incident 1: A dad came in with his five year old wanting to discuss homeschooling. He said things like "my son is just five, but knows the English alphabet already", "He is a fast learner", "His learning is just amazing"r, "He is very naughty.  He will take up all your time, you have to constantly monitor him".
*
Incident 2: The parents of these two little girls were interested in talking about farming and global issues. When we got around to talking, the girls found their way to the piano that was in the living room. I was going to tell the little ones to make sure they played it softly to allow us to talk, but the mom pre-empted me with a smile and helpless voice, saying "Oh! once they start playing they won't stop and also it would be so loud that we can't talk".
*
Incident 3: This mom came with her three year old who gets to see her dad only during the weekends. During one of the conversations the mom, with the child right next to her, said to me "She really misses her dad. She often wishes her dad could be there to play with her".
*
Incident 4: When a city-dwelling family with an eight year old boy was visiting us, I suggested to my kids to take their new friend to get milk from our milk lady. The walk was hardly 100 meters. They had to cross a not-so-busy village road.  The mom immediately intervened saying, "Oh, my son shouldn't go. He doesn't know how to walk on roads. He will hurt himself in the traffic." Having observed this eight year old for a day, I didn't think that the mom's statement was true. Nevertheless we dropped the idea.
*
Incident 5: A three year old that visited us was having a very good time playing here. When it was time for him and family to leave, the mom said (right where the child was playing), in an exasperated manner "now comes the difficult part. He wouldn't quit playing and won't get ready to leave" .


Observant parents know that children are tuned in to their parents' conversations whenever they are in earshot. This happens regardless of whether the kids are seemingly engrossed in other activities. Now I want to revisit each of the above examples and look at them from the concerned child's perspective. Although we don't of course know what the child is actually thinking, it is still worth looking at about what the child might be thinking.

Incident 1: This five year old may now think, "My dad thinks I am very smart. I got to be smart. I learned the English alphabet so quickly". Now if, in future, this child wants to learn something and he can't learn it quickly then he may have a contradiction in his mind, since his dad had already declared him to be a fast learner. Would he, at that point, decide to pursue his learning and modify his identity from being a "fast learner" to a being "slow learner" and continue his learning? Or would he give up learning that particular skill that is challenging his given identity as a "fast learner"?  Regarding his "naughtiness", the child senses the implicit giving up of parental authority in his dad's voice and has no reason to modify his (mis)behavior.
*
Incident 2: When the little girls heard their mom say "once they start they won't stop and also it would be so loud that we can't talk", at least I wasn't surprised that they followed through meeting the mom's expectation.
*
Incident 3: It is possible that the child missed her dad. But often when little kids are having fun, they tend to to live in the present moment. They are not thinking about other things. Was it instead the mom who missed her husband? When I brought this up later with the mom, she admitted that she missed her husband during the week and possibly projected that feeling on to the child. So now,  was the child carrying a feeling that wasn't necessarily a felt experience for her?
*
Incident 4: If this is something the eight year old hears often, at least some part of him would have to deal with his non-existent inability to walk on the roads.
*
Incident 5: Again here, from the child's perspective, the mom has verbally given up her parental authority. Would the child then feel the need to comply to the mom's request?

Once we start paying close attention, there are countless examples like these. The potential danger in these cases is that the kids' identities are created by the adults around them. Can we let the children form their self-identities on their own, based on their own experiences over an extended period of time?

-- Hema