Taking Delight Vs Cute-ifying

According to Webster, "taking delight" means "to enjoy very much". Here I would like to introduce a new term that I have coined -- "cute-ify" to mean "to turn something that exists without any intent into a cute thing and get entertained by it". In the context of parenting, many a time I have noticed "taking delight" slipping into "cute-ification". I would like to compare and contrast the two processes here in this article.

When "taking delight" in what a child is doing:

- the adult is either a non-judgmental observer or a participant in the process

- the child is allowed to just "be" and not made self-conscious

When "cute-ification" occurs:

- the adult is being judgmental

- it is quite likely that the child (if old enough) gets self-conscious

To illustrate these two responses I would like to present some examples:

Five year old Ruby shows me the rangoli that she had made. Her caregiver immediately says “Did you see that? How cute! She loves making rangoli. She is very talented.” Overwhelmed with anxiety, the caregiver took over the space and I was not allowed to respond. I could see in the face of the child, subtle ways in which she was becoming self-conscious.

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10 month old Satva just learned to stand up on his own. The other day he crawled to the nearby window, held on to the wall, stood up and lifted the curtain up. This let in light and he was delighted by the experience. Fascinated by this experience, he repeated it over and over again. The mom was observing this and taking delight in the process in which her baby was excited about. She just let him be.

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Four year old Anu invented a repetitive game in which she and her friend would pass a coin and call out each other’s name while doing so. A simple game that could go on forever! There was absolute delight on Anu’s face, until an overseeing adult said, “Look! How cute! How well she is playing!” The delight on Anu’s face was gone. She got self-conscious. She twitched her mouth and started baby-talk.

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Two year old Ishan liked doing everything on his own and refused to take help. He was potty trained. Once when he said that he needed to go to the toilet, the mom rushed to the toilet with him, opened the toilet door, turned on the light and helped him get setup for the job. Ishan tightened up, pulled up his pants, turned off the light, got out of the toilet and closed the door behind him. He said “BABY!” and redid the whole process, this time on his own, without any help -- opened the toilet door, turned on the light and went on to pee. The mom was overjoyed by what her child had demonstrated. She understood the cues and followed them right on from the next time onwards. She didn’t trivialize the child’s attempt to assert himself, nor was she condescending.

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I find babies, toddlers and young children serious about what they are doing. They are trying to figure things out, making sense of the world and people around them. There is absolute, sheer, unsurmounted joy in being there with a young child as he is figuring things out. I have repeatedly observed that the experience gets diminished when the child’s behaviour is “cute-ified”. I have also noticed that if there’s unrest within ourselves, if there’s anxiety, we tend to “cute-ify” and move on rather than participate in a wholesome manner.

Now, what does becoming self-conscious do? When we become self-conscious, we are aware of the response that our behaviour will elicit from others. We understand that we can modify/manipulate our behaviour to elicit the response that we are looking for. Thus our authenticity can get compromised. This is a common game that people play. Little children don’t by default play this adult game. But they can learn to play this game after they have been “cute-ified” enough.

-- Hema

A Decade Into Homeschooling

I wrote this piece recently for the Teachers Plus magazine.: 

"Our home is the best place on earth. I LOVE being at home. Why can't I be at home most of the times and go to school rarely?" This came from my child when he was 7 years old. Although I didn't want to ponder over his question then, it haunted me. A year later I decided to take a deep look at his question and address his unhappiness in going to school. That led to a cascade of events leading to where we are now. We are thankful for the support we received from fellow homeschoolers and the insights from authors like John Holt, Alfie Kohn and Gabor Mate.

Fast forwarding ten years. My husband Dev and I live on our farm near Tiruttani/Chittoor with our kids Abhi(17) and Aparna(14). Aparna never went to school. Abhi has been home since he was eight. The decision to homeschool liberated us. We realized that could live literally anywhere we wanted to. We were not limited by the necessity to continue a way of life, just for the sake of conformance. The decision to homeschool dramatically brought down the everyday stress level at home. As a direct consequence the quality of our life got better. This enabled us to pause and question our priorities in life. This in turn enabled Dev to quit his corporate job; soon after that we moved back  to India (from the US).  

For the past seven years we have been living in rural South India. Looking back, the challenges presented by this period have inevitably resulted in learning new skills. It is important to mention here that we didn't embark on this path with this agenda in mind. Here I would like to present a few snap-shots from our homeschooling experiences.

Since we have snakes in our area, it was highly imperative to be able to identify them correctly and swiftly. This need fueled by their interest, the kids got adept at identifying, catching and rescuing (non-venomous) snakes. During this feverish phase they made toys, tools and games that would help them with snake identification and snake catching. Life was all about and only about snakes. We even cared for a Checkered Keelback at home for three weeks to observe it in close quarters. In our neighbourhood they are now known as the local snake catchers. 

Similarly, the lack of restaurants and a strong desire to enjoy baked goods got Aparna interested in baking. She now bakes wholesome bread, cake and pizza. She experiments with local/seasonal fruit and vegetable in her recipes. 

Two years ago Abhi wanted to eat the fruit of our palm trees. But people that climb palm trees are not easy to find anymore, even in villages. Thus his desire drove him to learn to climb palm and coconut trees. This process lasted for about two years - to acquire enough physical strength and skills, to get over his fear of heights, to collect and use the tools needed for the harvest. This summer both Abhi and Aparna were able to climb and harvest palm fruit and tender coconuts. Abhi wanted to document this process and that became a valuable film-making experience that involved script writing, editing and post-production software work. His work is available on his youtube channel "dancing dodonaea studios".

For several months, after moving in to our new house at the farm, we were looking for a carpenter to build a chest of drawers for our farm tools. We could find absolutely no one to work on such an unconventional project. As Dev started designing the storage space, Aparna got interested in building it. She already had basic wood working skills since she had built some furniture. These skills were developed and honed for many years -- starting from working on cardboard projects (miniature models), moving on to simple utility (wood) projects with no joinery and then taking up joinery work. She is currently into relief carving (carving done on a flat panel of wood). All these were born out of interest and/or necessity. 

We have always been a multi-lingual family - my native tongue is Tamil, Dev's is Hindi. We live in a place where Telugu is spoken by half the population. Although they speak all these languages, the kids never focused on the writing aspect of Indian languages. Out of the blue Abhi recently realized the need to be fluent in the Tamil script. As he was watching a Permaculture documentary in English, he had an urge to make it available for the non-English speaking, local Tamil farmers. So he started writing the subtitles for that documentary in Tamil, of course with Google translator on his side. In just a few weeks he became a Tamil literate! 

Dev and I consider the education of our children as a piece in the jig-saw puzzle of our life - no more or less important than the other pieces. After moving to India, we bought a piece of land and got into farming without any prior experience. It has taken us all these 7+ to learn about the local ecology, soil and organic methods to a reasonable extent to be able to grow some food. Similarly every aspect (off-grid, composting toilet, adobe bricks, traditional tiled roof, natural finishes) of our house construction took us long to research, learn and execute. As a consequence of this, we as a family now have many construction related skills - masonry (brick and stone), carpentry, plumbing, laying tiled floor and grouting, mud plastering and finishing. It is important to emphasize here that all these started from humble beginnings. 

One common thread that I have observed in all these learning journeys is the sustained interest that is needed to learn any skill deeply. Sustained interest can come ONLY from within. It can't be force-fed. Sustained interest, I have seen, comes out of a burning desire or an absolute need of the hour or the pleasure we derive by doing something (like music). Sustaining an interest is possible only if we enjoy the process, not if we wait impatiently for the end-product. Working with hands and working on our own helps us understand this. 

During all these years of being with children, I have observed that they go through periods of no activity -- when they are not visibly engaged in anything. These periods of non-activity, I think, are as crucial as their growth spurts. During these periods they question life around them, assimilate something they came across recently, heal themselves, dive deep into themselves etc. I have learned to cherish these periods and not disturb them while they are there.

To us homeschooling has been about:

-- mindful parenting, to the extent possible

-- growing organic food and working together as a family

-- being close to nature, getting in tune with its cycles and taking care of other life forms (plants, trees, animals)

-- allowing everyone to take up things that interests them deeply and nurturing the development of those skills

-- maintaining an environment where mistakes are considered a part of the process

-- building resilience that the kids need to survive during difficult times in this era of climate change

-- having enough time to ponder over questions that come up and to develop an understanding about one's own self

-- trusting our ability to solve problems (technical, medical, emotional) and not resort to professional help right away

-- personal care -- cooking, washing clothes, cleaning, making clothes, hair cutting 

-- management and self-regulation of one's time

In our lives, saying "no" to mainstream has ended up as saying "yes" to various other possibilities, which have made life more fun. There certainly have been difficult and challenging times since we changed the course of our lives. But then, there were similar phases earlier too! In a certain sense, we have chosen the current set of challenges and that wasn't the case before.

-- Hema

Learning By Doing (Part III): Climbing Palm, Coconut Trees

 A short film by Abhinav Jain:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxG4w_EW2ZI 

Other posts in this series are:

Macrame With Cosmica

Dori's Cakes 

Learning By Doing (Part II) - Macrame with Cosmica

Macrame is a form of textile produced using knotting techniques.

Cosmica creates beautiful textile artworks using Macrame. I was blown away by the complexity of a wall-hanging she brought to the Homeschoolers' Conference last year. Here is her interview translated from Hindi:

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Hi Cosmica! Tell us a bit about yourself.

C: I am 13 yrs old. I was born in Jamshedpur. We lived for long in Udaipur and for the last three years we have been back here in Jamshedpur. I live with my brother, parents, extended family of grandparents, aunt and uncle. There was a time when I got curious about school and went there for a month or two. I got to see what schools were about and didn't want to go there again. I am interested in learning at home. I love Macrame and I make things at home.

How did you get interested in Macrame?

C: My (cousin) brothers didn't like the rakhis that people bought from stores. So I wanted to make rakhis at home. I started making simple ones. Then I learned about basic knots by watching some videos on youtube. As I started exploring knots, I realized that there were a lot of possibilities -- wall- hangings, pot hangers, key chains. I wanted to make all these. Initially I knew nothing. As I worked on these I understood how knots work and I used this understanding to make things in my own way.

How many kinds of knots do you typically use in a wall-hanging project?

C: About 15 or 16 kinds of knots. Square knot and half-hitch knot are the two basic ones that are frequently used. I learned some more basic knots from youtube and as I was using them in my project, I came up with some new ones too.

Can you talk about your initial days with Macrame?

C: When I got to know about Macrame I absolutely loved it. I really really wanted to learn this craft. It was fascinating to see simple strings being used in this manner to make beautiful things. This kept me going. In about 3 or 4 months I got in to the flow of using knots to create artworks. As I gained confidence in my skills I started exploring advanced knots and more complex projects.

How long did your biggest Macrame project take?

C: It was a 3' X 4' wall-hanging which took about five days. Initially I had a lot of discussions with my parents about the design, the length of the string, the size of the project.

What do you do when things go wrong in your project?

C: Things do go wrong frequently. When I was new to Macrame, I was almost at the end of my work when I realized the knots didn't come out right and I had to unravel the entire work. It was very frustrating and I abandoned that work for many hours. After the break, when I got back to work with a fresh mind and with dad's help I was able to get over the hump. Also during my initial days I used to miscalculate the length of the string needed for a project. These mistakes have actually helped me learn how to go about executing a project from scratch. I didn't learn arithmetic in the conventional way. I learned arithmetic because I needed to calculate string length based on a  set of parameters. When we run short of string we of course can join two strings and camouflage the knot that is used to join the two strings. It is slightly complicated and it may not be aesthetically appealing.

Do you sell your creations?

C: Yes, I get orders online. I have sold puppets, wall-hangings, dream catchers etc.

How do you price them?

C: I take two things into account -- cost of the rope and the time I spent on making it. I take my parents' help in analyzing this and arriving at a price. For example, I just sold a pair of macrame puppets for Rs. 500. I am focused on my work now and  have not spent much time looking at the market.

Do you see people interested in Macrame in your neighborhood?

C: Yes, I have some neighbours interested in learn Macrame. Recently a neighbour has been coming home to learn from me. She also helps me in my projects.

Did you try looking for a teacher who you could learn from?

C: Not really. Most of the times, I have learned by myself. My dad has been my teacher whenever I needed one.

What does your dad do?

C: He paints, sketches and draws. He is a tattoo artist too. He is good at Origami. I normally seek his help. He helps me in analyzing a project before I embark on it.

What other interests do you have?

C: Before getting in to Macrame, I was interested in Origami. I used to design dresses. I am interested in sketching and painting too. I love to dance. I dance when I need a break. I love making gifts. I like to cook and help out my mom in the kitchen. I facilitate Gamethons in our neighbourhood.

Did you go to art/craft classes to learn these?

C: No, I never went to classes. My dad helped me make gifts for friends and relatives. I explored my interests by making these gifts.

What is your next project?

I plan to make a hammock. It is a big project with a lot of challenges and I am looking forward to it.

Thank you, Cosmica!

Here is a video of Cosmica working on her project.

-- Hema

Learning By Doing (Part I) - Dori's Cakes

Often I run into people who are curious about kids that don't go to school. They want to know about these children's lives, skill-set, interests, aspirations and future. This made me realize the need for a collection of profiles of some homeschooling children. In this "Learning By Doing" series, I plan to feature such children who are learning and honing their skills and thriving in their lives.

I recently interviewed Dori. She lives in Gurgaon with her twin younger siblings and parents. It is a typical middle class setup with all the constraints and opportunities of urban living. Dori has been a home-baker for a few years now. Here is her interview, translated from Hindi:

How old are you, Dori?

D: I will turn 13 this March.

How long have you been homeschooling?

D: I never went to school, except for six months when I was very small.

I know you like to bake. When and how did you get into baking?

D: I always liked to hang out with my mom while she cooked. When I was around eight, I used to watch cooking shows on TV. There were shows on baking. Since my mom never baked, I didn't have any idea about baking. But I was quite fascinated by it and I wanted an oven. My mom wasn't sure if we would really be using it enough to justify the expense involved. For about a year there were a lot of discussions at home to evaluate all the relevant perspectives. Finally when I was nine, we bought an oven. I watched some videos on youtube that helped me get started.

How was your initial baking experience?
D: I made dry cakes (with no icing) for family and friends for over a year. Then one of our friends suggested that I learn how to decorate cakes. This deeply interested me. She wanted to pay me for a special order of their anniversary cake. I was particular about not joining classes for kids because I didn't find them to be useful earlier. So my mom helped me join the baking classes that were meant for adults.  After sometime I felt the need for a mentor. Through my mom's contacts I got introduced to a home-baker, Arbuda.  I asked my mom if I could learn from her. So I lived at her place for a few days. I saw how she was working on different kinds of orders and how efficiently she was managing everything.  After I came back home I put into practice what I had learned. When I ran into difficulties that baffled me I always called Arbuda aunty and asked for help. And she would help me with tips, fixes and ideas. She is now a professional baker, running a bakery in Noida. 

What else do you bake?

D: I bake breads too. Initially I couldn't find the right kind of yeast. My dough didn't rise at all. Then I stopped baking breads for a few months. Later I went to some bread-baking classes. There I saw what kind of yeast they were using, how they were using it etc. After developing an understanding about this, I started baking again. Slowly I gained confidence in myself. Now I bake pizza bases, pav buns, muffins and cookies.

Typically who do you get orders from?

D: At first it was from my friends. Then it was from my friends' neighbours.

Have you got orders from people who you don't know?

D: Yes, I have baked for people not known to us. During diwali I got orders for 50 boxes of chocolates. These are special chocolates made during the festival using compound chocolate; they are shaped and wrapped to look just like diwali crackers and fireworks. They sold very well. We actually delivered some of those boxes by courier service, to customers who were not known to us.

What kind of specifications do people have when then place a cake order?

D: They tell me what kind of cake they want. Sometimes they specify a theme, for example doll or hawaiian or cosmetics theme. Preparing for their theme takes me about a week. I design the decorations, make cut-outs and practice. Everyday I work a little bit on the theme.

Can you compare the price of your cakes to the ones sold in the market?

D: My basic 1/2kg cake is Rs. 280. Market prices vary from Rs.300 to Rs.350 for a similar one. Theme cakes are expensive. I calculate the customization cost after baking, based on the expenses incurred. 

Did you study the market prices before arriving at yours?

D: Yes, I studied the market prices with my mom. Market study helped me understand the various factors involved in pricing a product -- ingredients, energy, transportation, labour, packaging. My mom explained to me why certain cakes were priced high. I don't like pricing my cakes high, I keep them on the lower side. Once I saw a theme-cake in the market that was just like one of my cakes. Its price was Rs. 1600 whereas ours was for Rs. 1400. If we plan to have a stall at an event, we study the demographics of the place in advance and adjust our prices accordingly. I also learned about the whole sale market and the enormous difference in prices between whole sale and retail markets.

How many cake orders do you receive in a month?

D: Three or four. I can't take more orders.

Have you had any orders for bread yet?

D: No. I am not there yet. Currently I bake breads only for our family.

Do you have a wide range of baking tools and implements?
D: I have many of the basic tools that are needed -- spatula, brush, electric beater, muffin tray, turn table, serrated knives, mold, fondant cutter. We bought them one at a time from my second baking year onward, whenever there was a pressing need. Sometimes I don't have the right tool to work on a certain aspect of a theme. I then prepare a cut-out using a make-shift, improvised tool. We don't always resort to buying because of the expense involved.

I would like to hear your thoughts on the health implications of baked products, a lot of them being sweet. 
D: When I was very young, I used to have a lot of cake at parties. I didn't pay any heed to my mom's advice on health. That changed when I started baking; since I knew exactly what and how much went into making a cake I didn't want to eat it.  Basically there was too much maida, oil and sugar. I realized that that was not healthy for me.  This realization has urged me in to looking at healthier alternatives in baking.

What have you learned about the food industry so far?
- I now know that the cakes in the market contain emulsifiers, preservatives, stabilizers and artificial flavours. But good cakes can be baked without any of these. 
- Traditionally cream meant butter cream. This is expensive. Now low-cost non-dairy whipping cream is widely used in the food industry; this cream has oil or soya bean and has longer shelf-life compared to butter.
- Regarding breads, I came to know that "healthy" breads, like whole wheat bread, contained bread-improver (for longer shelf-life), extra gluten and caramel sauce (for colour). There was nothing really healthy about the "healthy" breads in the market.
- Regarding chocolates, I learned that there are two kinds -- compound and coverture. Compound chocolate contains vegetable oil and cocoa butter; it is easy to use this chocolate in baking recipes in warmer places like India. Also this is cheaper than coverture chocolate. Coverture chocolate contains only cocoa butter and thus it is quite expensive. Typically all the chocolates that we find in India are compound chocolates.

Suppose a new baking experiment failed twice or thrice in a row. What do you do then?

D: Sometimes I just try again. At other times I get disappointed. At times my mom helps me understand what went wrong. Then I make some changes and try the recipe again. Sometimes I abandon that project, take up something entirely different and come back to it after a break.

Can you tell me about some challenges that you faced while baking, in these four years?

D: Whipping cream and fondant behave differently during each season due to temperature and humidity. During the rainy season when Delhi's humidity is very high, working with icing becomes increasingly difficult without running an air conditioner at home. These were practical problems. When I talked to other bakers they said that we needed to have an AC. But we didn't want to get an AC just for this purpose. I have now learned to alternate between refrigerating the icing and working with it in a very swift manner. 

Putting a price tag on my creation is another challenge. I am worried if it is priced right and not too high. I also wonder about the authenticity of the compliments and feedback I receive -- if people  praise my work because I am a kid.
My cakes are egg-less. Given this self-imposed constraint, it took me a long period and countless attempts to achieve the moisture, softness and spongy texture that are characteristic of market cakes.

What are your thoughts about formal studies?

D: I will take my class X exams and not anything before that.

What else do you do?

D: I play football with my friends and I go to football classes. I like quilling. I make birthday cards, ear rings or necklaces using quilling. I like cooking millets, momos and noodles. I have also taught some baking classes in an alternative school. Sometimes I volunteer at a restaurant run by another homeschooling mom, Shruti. She introduced me to food photography, which is my current interest. She has been of tremendous support to me whenever I have wanted to cook something new or different.

What else would you like to take up in the future?

D: I want to make  my own fondants to sculpt my cakes; I use ready-made fondants now. I want to do a lot of other things too. I want to be a teacher. I am very interested in kitchen gardening and composting. There is talk in our apartment complex to implement community composting. I am actively involved in this along with three other kids. We are looking for volunteers and contacts to learn  about low-cost community composting models.

Thank you, Dori!

Some of Dori's creations:

Vignesh

In this post I will showcase the work of a talented 15 year old friend of ours. Vignesh came to me last year to learn English. Like the other kids in our rural neighbourhood he was shy in the beginning, but unlike them he was also thoughtful and sensitive. Over time we found out he was good at sketching, painting, clay modelling, and cooking, largely self-taught. Once in a while he brought some of his creations to my “English class”. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of his clay pieces despite the rough material involved. The material used in all the pieces shown is just unfiltered clay harvested from a local pond.

The following two pictures are of Vignesh’s self-portrait.

During the course of our English classes I got to know him better. He told me that since he was in X grade he was being forced to go for private tuition, both before and after school hours. Thus he hardly had any time for himself. He expressed his oppressive situation in the sculpture below, which shows two school children with wings attached but begging for freedom to fly.

Children enjoying each other’s company.

For Ganesh Chaturthi, Vignesh’s Ganesha falls prey to the modern lifestyle.

A more conventional Saraswati for Navratri.

More deities for the local festivals.

Once when the squirrel foundling that Abhi and Aparna were raising suddenly died, Vignesh made this clay squirrel below to help them deal with the loss.

Since we found his talent exceptional, we made arrangements for him to host a few sessions in Chennai where Vignesh got to share his clay modelling skills.

Here he is helping with a rocket stove that we built recently.

Vignesh is out of school and currently enrolled with NIOS (National Institute for Open Schooling) for his Senior Secondary (XII grade) exams. He thus has plenty of time to pursue his interests.

SAM 2018

The Swashikshan Annual Meet (SAM) is a get-together of non-schooling families from all over India. You can expect to find families from all streams of unconventional education -- unschooling, farm-schooling, home-schooling with and without a syllabus, world/travel schooling etc. It is quite eclectic and fun with fifteen different languages being spoken at the venue. This year's SAM happened in the scenic Goa.  It was a five day residential event at the beautiful St. Joseph Vaz Cathedral. “Team Goa”, as the organizers were called, did a fabulous job organizing this event that hosted 100+ adults and 150+ kids (2 – 20). This year was our third one. The previous two Meets were in Bangalore and Indore. We cherish the memories and the meaningful connections we made there and look forward to the next one eagerly. This Meet is one of the few social occasions where we could just be ourselves. So, with a lot of excitement, we arrived at Goa the night before the event. It was a warm feeling to see familiar faces at the venue. We went to bed early just so we were well rested for the next day. 

The only planned sessions were called “core sessions” and the topics were decided in advance by Team Goa. These topics were to do with our home-schooling journeys, our fears and anxieties etc. Every morning there was one core session for 1 ½ hrs.  The rest of all the days were left open for sessions that the participants could host. Basically, you didn’t have to be an expert to host a session, you could host one by being a facilitator enabling a discussion or by being a story-teller or by doing arts/crafts/games with others. The time table on the black board slowly got populated on the first day as people warmed up. There were five possible locations so that we could have parallel sessions.

The first day was mostly about getting to know each other. Ice-breaker sessions, with music and dance, by Manish Freeman worked wonders. I saw that even the grandmothers (there were three of them) were feeling more at home towards the end of the first day. I sat with a few parents who seemed new to home-schooling, to have one on one conversations. They had come with the same questions, anxieties and fears that I once had, eight years ago. Also, I enjoyed reconnecting with folks that we had met before at the previous Meets. It was reassuring to me to know that there were parents who had been primarily focusing on their relationship with their children (and not on academics), especially since the children were well in to their teens. It was in this context that three of us decided to host a session on parenting challenges with older children. It was useful to hear from other parents about their set of challenges and what they are doing about them. 

One common challenge was to do with media and devices – gaming, messaging. There was an 18 year old boy who said that he and his brother played video games for four straight years, and one fine day when they got interested in football they decided to stop playing video games and have never gone back to it. It was powerful to hear him say, “yes, I wasted four years of my life”. Jim, a dad of two boys, drew an analogy and got us thinking by asking if we would let drug dealers into our houses. Rajesh said that his 14 year old son is into Programming and his son’s journey in to the world of technology has been a fascinating one. He said that although his son spent a majority of his time on the computer, he spent a very little fraction of it on entertainment. His son had also devised ways of keeping himself fit while working for longer hours – taking sufficient breaks, eye exercises, push ups etc. When this boy hosted a session later it was inspiring for the kids to listen to him. His session was about the Android apps that he had been working on – figuring out the timings of the next bus, planning your trip on public transport system in Bangalore.

Dev has been battling a foot injury for about three years now. This injury prompted him to learn about a therapy called “Trigger point therapy” for pain relief. Dev wanted to share his learning that could help people treat themselves. So he hosted a session on this and demonstrated to the audience how the origin of pain and manifestation of it could be purely muscular and counter-intuitive (a sharp pain in the arch of the foot could be originating from the piriformis muscle in the buttocks). 

Rashmie and Avie hosted a session on the changes in dietary habits that their family has adopted. They said that their vegan lifestyle has helped them combat various illnesses and stay fit. Ashok did a session on NLP (Neuro Linguistc Programming). He asked the participants to talk about some of their problems. He later helped them understand their problems better by offering new perspectives. Abhi told me that he found this session very useful to find new ways of interacting with our neighborhood kids and resolving conflicts. Shuchita, Dev and Mahakash put together an extempore session on appreciating Hindustani classical music. Shuchita sang some bandishes, Mahakash sang Rabindro sangeet and Dev provided the platform on which this music could be made sense of. Ravi hosted a similar session on western classical music. 

In her session, Vijayalakshmi talked about ways of reducing waste from our homes -- home composting and green periods. She introduced the idea of using a cup (Diva or She) instead of sanitary napkins. Dr. Atul's and Dr. Arti's sessions were about alternative medical systems -- homeopathy and ayurveda respectively. A family traveling from South Africa presented their experiences in a session called "World Schooling". Muriel talked about education in the context of tribal societies. We learned about the history of St. Joseph Vaz Cathedral from the presentation done by the pastor.

I was thankful to Amritha for hosting a session on sex education. I don’t know if she intended it for the kids, but there was no kid at the session. There were about fifteen parents sharing their views about sex education for their children. It was very encouraging to see parents that have been open about this with their children. My children have known about menstruation since they were two or three. They know about mating in the animal world and have seen it many times. I thought that was suffice and also I was squeamish about talking about it in the context of humans. But then, I had not touched upon the aspects of tenderness, equality, pleasure and safety, as some parents rightly pointed out. They were urging me to have this discussion with my children.

One evening was devoted to FAQ’s, especially from the local people of Goa. Many interested young parents had shown up with questions. I was on the panel with two other moms, one dad and four young adults who have been home-schooled. Claude Alvarez, an environmentalist and the editor of the Other India Press publication, and his son Rahul (a snake catcher) were invited to be on the panel too. It was an intense, interactive session that lasted about three hours. Cluade's bold take on the system, sprinkled with a good sense of humor, was refreshing to hear. I hope it helped the Goans that took the time to come there.

“Listening Circle” was planned for the morning on the fourth day. The entire crowd was divided into eight small groups, with one facilitator per group. This circle is supposed to provide a silent, non-judgemental, hearing space that allowed people to open up, share or vent, trusting that their sharing will be kept confidential. The sanctity of this circle ought to be preserved by the facilitator by making sure no one intrudes or provides any reply to what they just heard. The participants, sitting in a circle, can share anything that they would like to (stories, experiences, memories, confusions, worries). It is beautiful to see how people slowly shed their inhibitions and step out of their comfort zones to share their life stories. 

On the last day, there was a gratitude and appreciation circle based on a South-American tribal ritual. A few chairs were arranged in a circle and participants sitting on the chairs with their palms up were blind-folded, with music playing at the back. The receiver had his palms up expressing his openness and readiness to receive and was blind-folded to eliminate any bias that this may create. There were people standing behind each chair, with their arms stretched out to touch the shoulders of the person ahead. The idea was to establish a warm physical contact while thanking the person in front and expressing gratitude and appreciation by whispering in to their ears. The music and stillness evoked powerful emotions in people that were both giving and receiving. I saw many people get deeply emotional with tears flowing down. I was skeptical to begin with and entered the circle reluctantly. I am happy that I participated in it because it was beauty beyond words. As the music continued playing, it brought more inquisitive people, including kids.  

Other than these, there was bonfire, drumming circle, art exhibition, guided forest walks, an evening at the beach, morning martial arts and yoga. My kids seem to have enjoyed the games and the dances with Manish. Thanks to Team Goa, we got to taste Goan delicacies and absolutely wonderful food on all the days.

-- Hema

A Parallel Construction

When we started our farm house construction, the kids used to hang out at the site. They were then 13 and 10. A few months into the project, Abhi decided to build something on his own. Aparna soon joined him. We came to know about this when left over material from the house site was getting hauled to a corner, not too far away. Working on and off, it took them eight months, from conception to completion, to build a room that is about 25 sq. ft. 

The kids provided the following details about this process:

Foundation:

They dug a foundation trench that was about 1’ wide and 1’ deep. As the soil was quite hard, this digging took about a week. They filled the trench random rubble and mud mortar. The rubble layer was raised above the ground by 6”.

Assessing the use of an abandoned section of a pillar

Plinth:

Some temporary masonry structures were lying abandoned near the house construction site. The kids made use of these pieces to construct a 9” band on top of the foundation.

Walls:

About half of the bricks that were used in our farm house were sun-dried adobe bricks. We got them made on site and they were one-third the price of burnt bricks. The kids decided to use the left over adobe bricks and mud mortar for their project. The walls are less than 6’ tall and 9” wide. Protecting these (mud) walls from rain was their biggest problem. Everyday, after work, they had to drape the structure with water-proof tarps.

Maintaining plumb

Checking the doorway

Window/Door:

The entrance is actually at the back. That’s how Abhi wanted it to be. He built a window frame when the walls were tall enough to have an opening. 

Roof: 

Once the walls were completed, there was a long period of inactivity. During this time, there were discussions about the kind of roof they wanted to do and apprehensions about taking it up. While our carpenter's team came to work on the farm house's traditional roof, the kids decided to resume their work. There was plenty of left over timber of odd shapes and sizes to play with. They consulted the lead carpenter for technical details. The roof was built on the ground by constructing a pyramid first. It sat on a stack of bricks. Once the roof was ready, they needed help to mount it on their walls. This was the only time they asked for help from us.

Securing purlins to the rafters

Time to admire the roof

Once the roof framework was in place, mats made of woven coconut fronds (keethu) were tied to it. Abhi sat on the roof and tied the keethu to the purlins that Aparna was handing him from inside the room. They swapped roles when they felt like it. 

The roof work took several weeks. Once this was completed, they once again started enjoying the rains without any worry.

A picture of the roof taken from inside the room

Plaster:

They were by now familiar with mud plastering, from watching the masons at work on the farm house. Sieving the soil, preparing the mix a day in advance, plastering a wall, cleaning up the tools was their day routine then. Inside and outside put together, there were eight sides to be plastered and two levels of plastering to be done, first rough then smooth.

Finish: 

They applied diluted lime wash (aka white wash). Lime protects the exposed walls from the rain. This was applied in six thin coats, one coat a day.

First coat of very dilute white wash

Floor:

On a leveled substrate of soil mix, terracotta clay tiles were placed with 1 cm gap between them. The gap was later filled with a homemade grout mix that contained finely sieved sand and cement.

Shelves/Niches:

This little space has five storage compartments each one with a flavour of its own.

Visitors from the neighbourhood